The Ultimate XMen Fanfiction
by Leriku
Summary: Jean and Scott uncover hidden feelings for other people. How will this affect their relationship?
1. Default Chapter

The Ultimate Fantastic Pinnicle of all X-Men stories. AKA George  
  
  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@2  
  
  
It was a quiet day in the marsh. Cyclops walked out of the X-Mansion. He said to himself. "I think I  
would like to dig a hole." so he dug a hole in the marsh. It went all the way to Magneto's house.  
Cyclops emerged from the hole all slimy and green. Magneto mistook him for toad. He said.  
  
"Hello toad."  
  
**************(&*&^%%%^&&^&*&*(&*(*(*(*(*(&^$^  
  
  
$ 


	2. Three

George Chapter Three  
  
  
"That is correct." Said Jean. She had decided to cook for Magneto that day. She had brought over  
pillsbury dough boy cookies and a big chicken pot-pie mix. For eating. For Magneto to eat.  
  
Cyclops blasted her with his eyebeam. He said "I want you to leave my brother alone, Polaris."  
  
  
"Skank ho." said Magneto. Magneto is down with the bitches and hos. Magneto turned his  
attention to his puzzle. It was a puzzle of a cat. Named Stapler. But that is not important. It is,  
actually. For that cat was actually Mystique. She was getting ready for a hot date.  
  
"Who is your date, Mystique, aka Stapler, aka Skank ho?" Question mark. Asked Pietro.  
  
"None of your damn busniess, yo." Said Mystique.  
  
Cyclopes exploded.  
  
Then Stacy tried to seduce me. It was not pleasant. I said "get away Stacy, least I beat you with  
an un-brel-ah." And then I did.   
"Pound it" Said Magneto. And then I did.  
"His name is Eric, He is a ten year old." Sang professor Xaviours "I will kill you where you stand"   
Said Eric...aka Magneto. Then knives flew into professor X's head.   
"Ow." He said telepathedically.  
  
This was when Lance decided it would be a good idea to sing a inspirational little didy. "I'm going  
to watch you shine. I'm going to watch you grow. I'm going to paint the sky so you will always  
know there will never be a father who loves his daughter more than I love you."  
  
That was when Jean cried and ran to her daddy. Lance comforted her. "There there, my  
daughter."  
  
  
Mystique slipped out of the house disguised as Toad. This made Magneto confused because  
Cyclops was still slimy. "I am Ghe-to." Magneto stated. "Pound it before I smoke you with my  
bling-bling. That is of the heazy. For sheazy. I'm sleazy." And then the pole was brought out and  
Magneto danced about it. He giggled and spit.  
  
  
**********&%$%&^*  
  
Mystique was finally away from that crazy house. She could hear her blood rushing through her  
ears. When would she be able to leave them forever. No one knew how scared she was. How she  
cried herself to sleep each night. How she wished she could make it all go away in one swift  
motion of the blade. But she couldn't. There was one who excepted her, and she would not let  
him down, for she loved him. More then any woman had ever loved a man before in the whole  
universe. Her love for him blinded her from the on-coming traffic.  
  
Pain. A truckload of pain. That came from the truck. Mystique awoke, fully blue, in a coma. She  
saw the one. He was next to her, with his nurturing yellow eyes, full of concern, and love.  
  
"Kurt." She said feebily. For she was feeble.  
  
"Yes darling?" Kurt said, less feebily, for he was not feeble.  
  
"Did you just snort?"  
  
"It was the snort of love. A tradition from my country Switzerland." He kissed her eyebrow, which  
wasn't there because Mystique does not have eyebrows. She lost them jumping out of a plane  
with her brother, Gambit, leaving her parents behind. To be killed. By death. By explosion. She  
lost her brother, but found him after five minutes of frantic drinking.  
  
"I've brought you something, darling." Kurt withdrew from his pants the present.  
  
**Warning: Lemon in next part**$  
  
It was a lemon. It snorted. No it didn't. Lemons dont snort. They squeal. Like PIGGIES!  
  
Mystiques eyes brimmed with tears. How long had it been since she had heard a lemon squeal?  
Too long. Much too long. Ever since her husband, Wolverine, had dropped her child, Storm, into a  
river and left her to die, she had not heard a lemon squeal.  
  
"Brilliant" exclaimed Mystqiuque. As in "Mist-ki-oo-que", Mistique's twin brother. He left shortly  
after and joined Hitler's army. Then he died. No one was sad. Except for Bobby Drake. They had  
a brilliant love affair no one understood, least of all Bobby.  
  
"Death by implosion, was no way for a person to die. No way at all." Said Magneto, nodding  
sadly.   
"My hand is a natural born poison tester." Said Scott.   
*&*&*&*&*&*&  
  
"Scott!!!" screamed Jean in the throws of passion with Duuuncan.   
"Did you just call me Scott?"  
"I'm sorry Duncan...I'm just confused about my feelings..." Jean said, turning away from her man  
whore.   
"Its ok babe...I don't mind." He said, and then got back on his horse. 


	3. Chapter 4

George Session Four. AKA, where are my socks?  
  
  
  
u r a bum.......................  
And that is when Cyclopes flew into the sky attached to balloons.  
Whould you like me to ty pe?  
He met a seagull named Skuttle, he said "Hello Skuttle, I would like you to be my special friend."  
"No" Said the bird, "you smell of stink." And then he flew away and got killed in an air raid of the  
Brazilians and the Canadians.  
Nice.  
-=-=-=-  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."  
  
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssss  
sssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssss  
ssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss  
sssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."  
  
  
"Come to butthead." Said prof. X.   
"I need a pen." stated Bobby as he started writting a job application on my JAVA SCRIPT BOOK!!!  
  
Magnito walked up to professor x, and whispered in his ear. "What was your favorite field trip?"   
  
Jubliee walked up to Scott, and popped a skittle in her mouth, and asked,   
"May I borrow your inhaler?" Scott sighed. He was quite the asthmatic. He grapped the skittles  
and threw them up in the air, where Storm caught them and said   
"mmm Fruity goodness..."  
  
Jean was having quite the awful day. She no longer could locate her watch, and this was  
troubling her quite a bit. She wanted this watch for selfish purposes, and so she started to sing a  
sad sad songy.  
"If only I could find my watch." She said whilst nussled in Hank's pantalonas, "Then I could time  
how long it took to get a kitchen snack."  
  
  
Mystique was depressed as well. She was not able to legally work in the United States, being  
from Russia. It was cold in Russia, thus she wore an outfit of carefully placed scales. She loved  
her scales. Sometimes she thought of herself as a blue rose. Actually, an orange rose with a blue  
stem. But if only she could burrow underground, then she could find the mushroom king and gain  
access to the entire free world.  
  
  
****&^^%**(*(&*^^^^*******  
  
  
Magneto giggled cheerfully. How often a day did he giggle? at least once. But today was an  
especially fine day for giggling. The deer were singing, Professor X was practicing his form of  
handicapped ballet, and all was right in the world. Or was it?  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
Deathly wrong.  
  
Gargantually wrong.  
  
So wrong, it was right.  
  
So Magneto whistled on his way to the ice cream parlour.  
  
*******  
  
"It is now... April 133." said the purely sexual mom. She was drinking a coke. Actually, she was  
drinking a goat.   
  
"Make their be a great deal of tooth fillings," said Magneto as he brought Pietro to the dentist, "Or  
there will be serious reproductions." He winked at Bobby Drake, whom he had secretly loved  
since birth.   
  
Kitty Pryde popped up from the ground. LIKE DAISIES! and she ground her teeth. "ewww! Like,  
Gross." Then she phased through the ground again for no apparent reason. Like when a daisy  
dies. Or a hun. Like when a hun goes back into his mole hill.  
  
********((*(*( Order we must have^^&*&^ AKA back to the ghet-to.^^^&  
  
Magneto pounded his bling bling in frustration.   
"Home dog." He said, starring at his dog, aka professor X.   
"Bamf" Replied Rogue to Magneto, and then brought out her fiddle. She begain a sad strange  
tone, which reminded Magneto of his homeland far off on the scottish moors.  
"Had I only smoked that wigger where he stood..." Magneto said...as he fiddled with his long  
mane, "If I only could tell Bobby how I felt...about his...bling-bling..."  
  
Bobby, it seems, gets around quite well.  
  
"COKE ME!" Said Jean aka Polaris, and she was shot.  
  
And that, my friend, is when all the scissor went insane. "Snip snip" said the scissors, and they cut  
Jean's bloddy remains.  
  
Bobby, it seems, was enamored by the scissors and their cutting ability. He ran to them and thrust  
out his chest. "Bling-bling!" Then they had mad, passionate, scissor-love.  
  
"I smell like onions" Magneto said, bursting into song. "Diggin' up them holes." He sang, while  
making a motion that was supposed to look like he was digging a hole, but didn't. It looked like he  
was pouring himself orange juice. The dance went on without rhyme or reason, long into the night.  
Magneto thrusted his arms and legs out in either direction, his feet flopping around on his ankles,  
seemingly of their own accord.  
  
And that is when Pietro started to play his accordian. "Diggin' up them holes." sang the accordian.   
  
Then around them, amish men constructed a barn so they could dance the night away unseen.  
  
**&*%^&*&*&&*  
  
  
Beast walked about the streets of Venice. He was broke, so he decided to find himself some work.  
In Venice. He was wearing a little red-and-white striped shirt, a straw hat with a black ribbon. He  
sang songs of love and onions to people on the rooftops below. For Beast was actually flying by  
some strange twist of fate. Some strange roll of the dice. Some strange hand of cards. Some  
strange post-it note on the fridge.  
  
"Ah. ample ammounts of money." Said Magneto as he pretended to be a racoon.  
  
"This bed is bumpy." said Bobby Drake, who was still in throws of passion with the scissors, as the  
inflatable volleyball joined them.  
  
"Bling-bling." said Jean, and she was hanged. by Gambit, her only son.  
  
"Gradpa Lance!" Gambit cried, as he drug his mother's bloody corpse behind him. Two minutes  
later Storm began to fowl the corpse. As in tar and feathers. That kind of fowl. Not the other kind  
you strange sickos.  
  
"Ah. Ample bossom." Said Kitty. "I like...need a japanese-english dictionary..." She said, before  
she started her dinner. "Or I'll like...not understand what I'm like...eating...or something."  
"Kitty, we are at a pizza place, there isn't anything even japanese on the menu." said Kurt, as he  
attempted once again to cover his face behind a thick crust pizza pie.  
"Kurt like..what are you doing?" KItty asked as she started ordering several items off of the long  
and gruesome drink menu.   
"Oh Just hiding from my sister..." He said, and started playing girly footsie with himself.  
  
^^^&*&&&&  
  
Blob and Scott, who still very much looked like Toad, got taken away in a paddy-wagon. They  
sang to themselves of days long gone, when their love was freely and universally accepted, and  
when the streets still had a name. But now they go to where the streets have no names.  
  
"I am in a fiesty mood. Full of fiests." whispered Duuuuuucan.  
  
Scott stared to his side for a minute, then turned away, saying disappointedly to himself  
"Duuuuncan."   
"My Jean-dar went off momentarily" He said to Blob, who nodded appologetically. Blob knew in  
the secret part of his heart, which was crowded with corroded arteries, he was the one who had  
set off his Jean-dar.  
  
&&&&%@!!!!!###@JJFDJKS  
  
Jerk chicken.  
  
^^^^^^**(*(&^% 


	4. Chapter umpteen

George Chapter 4

&T&&$&&(&(

Colossus walked around, hands in his pockets, whistling a song of vegetables. "Hello honey bunny." said Mystique. Colossus shrugged. Mystique ran away, into the sewer where the Morlocks came and gave her a pretty hat made of fluff.

"Lizzie West, Dusty Turnaround." Said Scott. He was juggling a pair of chinese acrobatic twins. "Baby baby."

Beast walked up to Scott and took a big whiff. "Ew. You smell. You smell like fish." He picked a piece of wax from his ear and flicked it at a nearby gargoyle. And that is how Hudson got a yellow eye.

"We haven't been here remember?" Kitty said in a retarded voice. Rogue then pulled up her ill-fitting pantalones, and wondered why she ever thought that going to find cool-ass clothing in Logan's closet was a good idea. "We'll call it pretty." Rogue stated, and then bought her new friend Pitor some bling bling.

"For Sheazy..." Pitor stated, and then got on top of the fridge. He and Logan had been battling for some time now over the remainding post-it-note, and he wasn't about to give that up.

This was when Logan pulled out the big guns. Meaning big guns. Actual guns.

"Lauren you need to come home..." said Stoooooooooopid ass Stacy.

"we're advanced..." said Jean. Jean likes to cheat at softball games and then blame it on Bobby. She was now getting her come-up-ance. Magneto, Mystiquqe, the sissors, Gambit, as well as Remy, all where advancing apon her. Jean screamed momentarilly, and then fell. She fell into the depths of the ocean. Where she swam. And then sank, because Magneto throw a rock on her.

Killing her.

Not to the disapointment of anyone.

Except profffessor X, who needed her for pyschic love-fests.

"Pietro." Yelled Wanda, with a voice that contained much anger. Several hundred tooth fillings exploded, and my lawyer danced a jig. Wanda has that affect on people sometimes.

Pietro swished around, his delightful silver locks swaying about his face. "Yes?" He asked, with an air of self-love and confidence.

"You left your underwear in my laundry basket again." Her eyes rolled back into her head.

"So? What are you going to do about it? Smite me?" Pietro ran around Wanda too quick to see, as he struck many a fruity pose.

Wanda threw an orange and Pietro, who ate it.

Magneto burst threw the door. Then he left. It was a very pointless act.

Cain... aka the Juggernaut as i am so informed... raised his arms into the air, like a gorilla on testosterone (like you just dont care). He licked his teeth and thrust a cocoa puff into his mouth. You see, the Juggernaut is not entirely unstoppable. If he does not have his daily ammount of artificially flavored chocolate sugar-loaded grain balls, he will collapse into an unidentifible puddle on the floor.

"You want the dice, cherie?" Gambit asked, twirling the aforementioned article about his fingers like a Sigfried or a Roy. Or a Barnum or a Baily. Or a David Copperfield. Or a magical Shaman.

"No." Rogue said simply, shoving him away from her. She squinted. Gambit began to dance. An interprative dance that conveyed his message of love and peace. But, to the trained eye, it was really a dance telling the plight of the Canadian Goose in its yearly migration to the warm waters of southern Florida. For his girlfriend was Rogue: Keeper of the Geese.

"Ahew." Storm said dantily, putting a gloved hand to her nose, protecting various onlookers from the barrage of snot which eminated from her nose. Her nose that was on her face. Her nose that had two, count them two, nostrils. Her nose that contained many a various object that had been carelessly shoved up there over the years by Evan.

"Aunti O, put your hands in the air like you just dont care!" Evan said, dancing about like a trained baboon. Or a gargoyle named Lexington on a quiet night of studying.

"No, Evan." Storm quipped. Ha ha Lauren. "Your an idiot..." She said, and then went to her book club meeting with Mystique, and their good friend Emma Frost.

As soon as Emma Frost, and Storm stepped out of the maroon, grandee sized mini-van and and trotted in to Mystique's lavishly decorated apartment.

"Well Girls how did we like Harry Potter and the order of Merlin?" Asked Storm as she ate her pie, Mystique and Emma quietly feasted on fruit that was so carefully harvested by thousands of Jamies, who Mystique beat regularly to keep up his numbers.

"Save me ORORO..." Screamed Jamie from downstairs. At that point Emma closed the door to the downstairs, and laughed, the cold cold laugh of a skank-ho.

(I would like to take this moment to go over something that troubles me. Jean Grey was purchased a SUV in the show. Why does she need that? It's not like she's going to go four-wheeling any time soon...why does she need that? Professor Xavier spoils her because she's sleeping with him.)

"Me and my kind...the Brotherhood of mutants..." Said Pietro quietly to himself. He was standing infront of the bathroom mirror stroking his long locks of girlish white hair. For reasons unknown he was wearing a pair of red lacey gloves. They looked quite handsome on his delicate and boney hands.

"I will eat your soul!" Wanda growled.

"Wanda, Pietro! Tardiness will not be tolerated!" The booming voice of Magneto sounded from the adjoining room that was adjoined.

The twins entered the room, upon the sticks of broom, and sat quietly at the dinner table, where dinner was.

Magneto glared from underneath his mighty helmate. Oh Mighty Helmate, god of all gods, destroyer of all, creater of human life, bringer of intelligence, and taker-awayer of Pietro's virginity.

"Once, twice, three times a virgin." Wanda muttered under her breath, twiddling her thumbs.

"What have I told you about being tardy?" Magneto asked his spawn, his yellow eyes glowing.

"Daddy" Pietro said, pouting. "I'm sorry, but Harry Potter just called."

"Finally! I have a date to prom!" Magneto shouted, gleefull.

Bobby Drake jumped up from underneath the table, where Magneto kept him. "Say what?"

Magneto thrust the young mutant aside, into a large bowl of mashed potatoes.

"Oh. I was gonna eat those." Wanda sniffed a sad sniffy.

&&)&)&)&)

"I enjoy streaching out the peach Os and pretending that they are necklaces...Don't you?" Pitor asked Remy as they sat outside. They where on a double date, or what would have been a double date, had their dates accompinied them. Remy was in the 'sad zone', and needed to be comforted.

Just then a magical thing happened.

Kurt appered with Kitty and Rogue at his side.

"Alright...alright...here we are..." he said, and Kitty aided Rogue in putting her glove back on.

"Why like aren't like we like at like the mall? You like said like we like where like going to the mall?" Kitty ...asked?

"No one said we where going to the mall..." quotation mark. It's Red. Said Kurt.

"You want a pencil cheire?"

"Uh...no."

"Alright then...Gambit...he puts the pencil back into his pocket den..."

"Nyet...I don't get it..." Said Pitor. "What is with your quotations?" Pitor questioned. "I don't get it...I don't get it..." Pitor said drunkenly.

"It's like a koala crapped a rainbow in my brain..." said Kurt, who then popped a squat.

"Pop a squat..." Rogue said, and they all sat down.

$(&$&(#(&$(&#

Oh what a magical day it was. "I am old and made of metal." Said Magneto. He had several of a plastic clothespin attached to face. His face was turning red and purple.

Never let Havok into a Mexican restaurant. He will explode all the enchiladas and make the world stand on end. And that, my friend would be a sorry sight to behold. With your eyes. With your mind. With your soul.

"Caw!" Said Jean, as she turned into a bird and flew off into the wild blue yonder of Kentucky. She flew into the sun, got scorched and fell in front of Gambit's feet.

"You want this Kentucky Fried Chicken, cherie?" He asked, his eyes turning several shades of mahogan7y.

And oh what a chicken it was. Served with wild rice and a touch of garlic sause, and kiante, it was a feast a king would weep at the sight of. "Actually, yeah, ok." Said Bobby Drake. "But I have just gotten out a long and deep relationship, with my digi-destiny."

"ITS TIME TO DUEL!" Yelled Scott, as he jumped out of the bushes, branches and gummy bears in his tangled locks.

The duel lasted well into the night. Strategy met force. Good met Evil. Harry met Sally.


	5. Chapter H

George. Chapter J

"I am the world's fattest man!" proclaimed Scott, running around before he fell on the ground in a mud puddle. Jean ran up and started licking his chin.

"Hey honey honey." She said, wiping her mouth of the saliva that had been collected there from various mutants. Skank-ho.

Magneto, who was having identity problems, ran about the fields, believing himself to be Mariah Carey. "I am Mariah Carey." he sang beautifully.

"I am cold, and I don't know what time it is." Said Pietro to Wanda, as they sat on the park bench. It was a starry evening, prefect for a romantic date, sadly, Wanda was with her brother at the time. Pietro was lost and confused about his feelings for Toad. He didn't know weither to run from his love, to leave behind all chances of happiness or to love Todd and grow old together. He was afraid of rejection. Afraid of what would happen if Todd loved someone else, afraid of being alone without Todd on cold Windy evenings, but he was afraid most of all, of his father. What would his father have to say about this? What could he possibly do to get his father's affection? Who would he turn to if his father choose Wanda to be the head cheer-leader and not he?

He didn't think he could take that kind of rejection.

"Baby, Baby..." he stated sadly, and then sobbed into Wanda's jacket pocket.

Wanda sat there, and then started to pet her brother. "There there..."

"Don't blow bubbles in your coke my friend." Said Gambit to Pitor. Pitor was not wearing his costume. He was sitting on the floor in his under-roos eating oreos. They were lovely underoos, that made many people jealous. For only the Russian farmers were able to own such fine quality underoos.

"Freakish." Said Pyro, as he died.

"Looks good onya mate." Evan said. Stupid Evan. No one likes you and your kind. The Hood of Mutants.

Amanda's father walked up to Kurt, his wife close behind, carrying a large tuna. "Hello Kurt, nice to meet you." They shook hands. "We're black, by the way."

"But..." Said Kurt, as he was hastily smacked upside the head by a large and rather dissheviled Wolverine.

"Hey Bub, thats my love elf."

And then, by some strange decision of the fates, they went to a Chinese book store.

Professor X examined a book. "Well, If you write it like that, we can't erase it."

A small Chinese man walked out of the back room. He was old and feeble. His grey hair protruded from his scalp at odd angles. "Herooo. We have a many fine book to purchase here."

Kitty raised her eyebrow and sniffed. The old man was carrying a fish. She became frightened, and curled atop Warren's head. Warren noticed nothing, and just stood there like a retard.

Suddenly, lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, the dead were raised from their graves. Cats all over the neighborhood screeched, and jumped into trash cans. Women held their infant babes close to their bosoms. Another Chinese man ran into the book store, clutching an old, and foul smelling article of stone.

The old Chinese man started to screech. An unworldly noise that no mortal ears were meant to be objected to. "Jackiiiiiiieeeeeeee!" He screamed, beating the younger man with the fish.

"I am sorry Uncle." Said Jackie, as he was so called. He ran out the back door just as yet another Chinese man lumbered through the door. This one was large, fat, and angry. He was wearing suspenders.

"Gr." He said, chasing after 'Jackie.'

Pietro waltzed up to the fat man. "Blob, why are you wearing a wig?" He began to poke him in the ears.

The larger fellow's eyes fell to the floor in shame, as his large hand oozed up to his head and came crashing back to the ground, clutching the black wig. "I am sorry."

"What? Oooh! Naked Men!" Squealed Kitty. She and Rogue where standing outside of a bathroom. Rogue scratched her head.

"Kitty, if you mail someone poop will you get arrested?"

"Like, I don't think so."

Three days later Jean got a large smelling package in the mail.

"It looks like a shoe lace..." Said Scott. He then started to scratch himself. Oh what a scratch he enjoyed. It was full of fun, and the kind of love of a man and a good cuban cigar. Scott was so emerged in his scratching that he didn't notice Kurt. Kurt was busy sitting on the copy machine making copies of his Heinekien.

"Ask me how far the tail goes will they?" He asked himself as he pressed the copy machine button time and time again.

Soon the machine had run out of paper, and Kurt had wandered off, taping pictures of his Heinekien up all over the school.

Gambit wasn't wearing his pantyhose. This was the first thing that Scott noticed was wrong in his puzzle. How he loved the 'What's wrong here?' puzzles that came every sunday afternoon in the newspaper. It was the school newspaper. Scott had drawn the picture himself. That wasn't the point. The point was, he noticed, was that no one else was even reading their newspapers.

This made him sad.

He had to go into the sad zone for a nice sit.

Kurt was sitting at his computer. Actually...he was kind of slumped over the keyboard. He had been asleep for half an hour now, and was in dire need of a wake up phone call from Room service, or else he would be late for his meeting.

"Wake up Kurt..." The computer screen read.

"Follow the White Rabbit..." The computer screen read.

Kurt Slept on.

Then Kitty came in and pulled his tail.

"You pulled my tail." He said, and then went back to sleep.

Magneto, as he was known to as by his friends. What a fine day for growling it was. Magneto's eyelids slowly drooped. Down, down, they drooped. Down into the firey depths of the underworld. Bobby Drake, in one final act of heroicism, ran down and pushed globs of icecream into Magneto's mouth. He sputtered.

"What you doin, bitch, yo?" Magneto, since he was grumpy, was no longer down with the bitches and hos.

"But, my bling bling has been calling for you. It said 'faszher?'" Bobby slumped to the ground in a frosty mess. He looked like when ice cream gets that gross ice crystal stuff on it.

"Ah, but you have forgotten," Magneto raised a raised finger to his eyebrow "I am an equal opportunity employer." From the depths of underneath his crimson cloak sat Dobby, the house elf. Dobby nodded. This was indeed a true statement.

"Ditto!" Screamed Evan, as he and his Aunty Ororo walked though the discount mall. She was searching for the perfect present for Jean's Bar-Mitzva. It had to be a good present, it had to show Jean how she really felt, it had to be a simple yet elegant message of her love for her, it had to convince her to dump professor X, and worship her instead, and it had to convince her to walk though the valley of darkness and demons next sunday. Soon Jean would be a man, and thus the present had to be good...it had to be a belt made of fine quality Leather.

"Come Evan, let us go into Charlotte Rouge..." she said, gesturing a gesture.

"Alright Aunti O. That store is wack."

"Just shut up Evan."

Evan immediately walked over to the underwear bin. The large bin of underwear where flinging of the thongs is most illegal to the mall cop law. "Auntie O. Would these look good on me? I need some fine quality underoos for amateur night."

But Ororo was not listening. She was busy downling liquor in the shoe section of the store. Liquor and lemonade.

"Are you ready to keyboard?" Asked the Juggernaut. Nothing could stop him. Not even his non existant computer skills.

"You want existance cherie?" asked Gambit. He was practicing for his hot date that night. It was a hot date.

Bobby Drake slid into the room silently. "Do these pants make me look fat?" Silly Bobby. Bobby must not have noticed that he had on a poofy pink poodle skirt.

Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Scott walked down the streets, playing with his yo-yo. "Yo, yo." He smiled sheepishly to himself. For who could ever learn to love a beast?  
Hank hit Scott. Hard. With a baseball bat. "The key is to hit really hard. with the bat." He later told Magneto that night over a dinner of macaroni and cheese. Magneto nodded, moved by Hank's profound words.

(&(&&)

"Little town, its a quiet village. Everyday like the one before. Little town, full of little people, waking up to say..." Jean Grey started.

"Jean Grey, Jean Grey, Is a skanky ho." The rest of the mutants chimed in.

Professor X wheeled himself out to the middle of the Junior High School stage. "Welcome, Professor." Said the audience in a soothing female voice. It soothed much like aloe vera.

The Professor nodded. "Welcome, all of you to X-Men: The Musical."

Scott's eyes exploded in his head and made a bloody mess.

Bobby Drake proceeded to walk out on the stage, to the spot Professor Xavier had recently occupied. A Blue light shone from unknown places above. Mainly, the lights above the stage. He put a hand to his heart. "Daisy Doo. A daisy doobie doo." He sang forelorenly.

At this point, Evan walked out on the stage. "A Yo, man homes...that is wack. Where is my el bogligerophone? I am the skateboarding foo, I skateboard around to make me look cool, I skate though the world like there is no tomorrow, I say Moo jucie, it brings me sorrow, no body else likes to use my slang, Evan sure is not lame..." Evan then perioetted. He and Bobby then joined hands, and trotted off the stage together.

It was then, when Kitty emerged from the floor boards, she had not been invited to participate in the musical, mostly because no one else liked how she danced, but she was determined to show them. She would show them all.

She had made a quick trip back to the mansion when she had heard of the musical. She spend many a hour in Logan's room looking though his toybox for his script. She had at last found it behind his play skool Spiderman.

"Lovely..." She purred to herself, and then quickly trotted back to the Junior high school, like some sort of trotting beast.

"At last...I will have my cake and eat it too." said Pietro, as he eyed the Beast's heiniken. This was a glorious day for the fiesty fellow. Beast had already won the secondary round of the plate building competition and had moved into the finals. All he needed was a good day or two to relax, and enjoy the musical.

"Hello...I am Hank. I have brought for you a fine food snack."

And thus, the musical continued. Magneto hovered down to the center of the stage. He would not settle for left or right stage. No, the Master of Magnetism deserved nothing less than center stage. He began, in his deepest and slowest voice which rumbled the floor boards and shook the rafters. "I have a lovely bunch of coconuts deedily deedily. There they are a-standing in a row. Big ones. Small ones. Some as big as your head."

Scott walked up and slapped Magneto. "Sing something with a little bounce in it."

Magneto nodded, but hung his head in shame for singing the wrong song yet again. He took a deep breath. "I'm going to watch you shine. I'm going to watch you grow. I'm going to paint the sky so you will always know. As long as one and one is two. OO-OOO. There will never be a father who loves his daughter more than I love you."

"Not that song either!" Yelled Scott as he slapped the Magnetic one yet again.

Magneto was starting to become embarrassed. If that ever present shadow that is always there to hide Magnetos face when he wears his helmet, wasn't there, one could see him blushing. He tried one last time. "Be. Our. Guest. Be our guest put our service to the test."

The rest of the mutants walked behind this powerfull singer, wearing costumes taht made them look like eating utensiles. Pietro was the lone fork. Magneto continued while they danced behind him. "Tie a napkin round your neck.."

Gambit popped up. "Cherie!"

"And we'll provide the rest."

"Like pleasure!" Professor Xavier exclaimed, one finger raised high in the air.

"Soup du jour. Hot ourdeurves, why we only live to serve. Try the grey stuff, its delicious, dont believe me? Ask the dishes. They can sing. They can dance. La la la la I hate France!"

Everyone in the audience nodded sympathetically.

"And the service here is never second best. Go on, unfold your menu. Take a glass, and then you'll be our guest. be our guest. sit on your ass."

"My name is Ginny Weasely." Said Scott.

"Ah, but I am the King of this City." Pitor exclaimed, then spread his arms and broke into song. "Out here in the fields! Above the fields!"

And that, was the end. of the musical. The Legacy of the X-men continues. Long into the night. When vampires roam the streets looking for unsuspecting prostitutes. Mainly. Jean Grey.


End file.
